Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
