i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
