someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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