so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Pants are for mortals
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
