Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
