i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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