Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
