So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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