I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
