I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
