took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
this beer tastes like vomit already
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
