Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
