i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
3pm strippers are depressing
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
