we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
