apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
