loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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