The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
