So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
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the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
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I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize