I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
