i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
