she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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