Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize