so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
