I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
