We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
