Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
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