dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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