if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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