I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
