Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
