i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
