i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
