He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
