What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
