We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
