did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
