I just saw a hot homeless man
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
