Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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