It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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