she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
