I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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