Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
