He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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