This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
