my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
BRING THE BAGELS
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
