4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
