I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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