Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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