Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
