Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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