So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
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