How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
