She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
wow bdsm is so cute
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
