what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
