Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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