my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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