I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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