you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
