he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
