OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
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