My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
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